This has been a tough week, in that I have had two funerals this week for families that I love dearly.  Funerals are often difficult because you are often looked to as having the right answer.  You are expected to say just the right thing.  Sometimes it seems as though you are walking on eggshells because you feel like you don’t know what to say or you can’t be enough of a comfort to the family.  I have often felt like that too, but can I share a lesson with you that I learned a long time ago?  Sometimes you don’t have to say anything at all. 

This is often a difficult lesson to learn.  As a pastor, it is very hard to know when to speak and when to remain silent, but I’ve realized that often, the most important ministry to the grieving is the ministry of presence.  Just the fact that you are there can bring tremendous comfort to a family.  Jesus Himself demonstrated this ministry of presence in the Biblical account of the death of His friend, Lazarus.  The Gospel of John records this story in chapter 11.  Upon hearing of his dear friend Lazarus’ death, Jesus went straight to Lazarus’ sisters Mary and Martha.

“When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.  ‘Where have you laid him?’, He asked.  ‘Come and see, Lord,” they replied.  Jesus wept.  Then the Jews said, ‘See how He loved him!” (John 11:33-36)

Of all people, Jesus could have whispered comforting words, provided an appropriate sermon or devotional thought, or even given a theological explanation of the nature of death.  But He didn’t.  Instead, Jesus said nothing.  On the contrary, Jesus wept. These two short words represent the shortest verse in the entire Bible.  They also represent one of the most profound and moving verses as well. Scripture says that He was moved in sprit and troubled.  That tells me that He was moved with compassion upon seeing Mary weeping.  Jesus simply made Himself available and cried with the bereaved. 

Perhaps we can take a page out of Jesus’ playbook.  We don’t have always have to say the right thing. We just need to be present, to be available.  This is not to say that we should never say anything.  There are moments when the grieving need to hear comforting words, and in those moments, we must pray for discernment and wisdom in exactly what to say as well as what not to say.  We have all likely seen the list of things not to say to those who are grieving.  There is a reason that such a list exists.  All too often, well intentioned people say insensitive things in an ill-advised attempt to comfort the hurting.  Let’s not do that.  If we are going to speak, let’s speak love, and let’s do it with sensitivity and caution. 

So, here’s the thing.  There are those in your church family that are hurting and grieving right now.  Perhaps you know others in different settings that are also hurting.  What are you doing about it?  Are you present in their lives?  Are you available?  Or are you consumed about tripping over your words or saying something insensitive?  Let me encourage you to practice the ministry of presence, just like Jesus did.  Remember, you don’t have to be profound.  You just have to be present.

Until Next Week,

Pastor JP